Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
