I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
