party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
