GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
