the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
