Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I wish I only lived at night.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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