Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
