Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
