Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
