wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
