We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
