she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
