she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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