He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
