His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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