Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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