i think my tv is drunk
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
