I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
