I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My ass is underappreciated
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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