Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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