Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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