i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
