its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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