I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He shit in the fireplace
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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