I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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