so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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