Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
