you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
