You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
