Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
