Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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