What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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