I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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