i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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