didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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