I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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