first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
