i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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