Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
