He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
