The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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