I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
