well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
