Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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