I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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