do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
