he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
