I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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