Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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