White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
