that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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