Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
