There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Randomize
