Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
