Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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