my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
