If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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